I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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