im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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