I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
