he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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