Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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