my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
