I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
