I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
