There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
