Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize