omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
