Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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