i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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