Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
