i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
