just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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