Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
