i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
