ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
