Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
