I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
