Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
