This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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