Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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