I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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