I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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