if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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