I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i barfeds in our rink
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
