So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i drank out of a bidet.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
