I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
