You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
