did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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