I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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