Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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