Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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