She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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