I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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