So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
