I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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