Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
