I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
