Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
