So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
