so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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