its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
