..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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