I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
