he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
