Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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