Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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