so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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