I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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