You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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