Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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