just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize