Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
