dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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