My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
