the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
