I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
