last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
