We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
