please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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