I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
